Well have got some spare time so I thought about another update. :
Since the last update life for me has been tough....very tough.
My inner demons are having a field day at the moment, I seem to be very low on self beilef and self confidence. Im very paranoid about many things and can be very suspicious about stupid things.......I hate being like this really do. It seems this inner demons are winning as well....im trying my best to combat against this though but its not easy. I have good days dont get me wrong but when I have bad days then I very rarely talk as my brain is on overdrive....like a brave jedi knight against tons of evil empire troops....Im trying my best to battle against it. Use the force Mark.....use the force lol
I worry about stupid things and my friends know this very well (yup Caz thats you hun lol), for instance when I send a text to a friend and dont get a reply back then I straight away get suspicious no matter what the reason maybe for them not replying. Some people though I really wished did bother to reply come on a text only takes a few seconds to do and send. So I keep saying to myself........why do I bother.
Anyway since the last update I went to Dropzone and went tagging for only the 2nd time this year. I did enjoy it most of the time and did pretty well, I was distracted by things though which didnt help. Overall though Im still not keen as I was tagging wise....I just seem not to get the hang of things anymore. Again I dunno if its the lack of self confidence or esteem doing this or is it just me not liking it anymore. Will give it another go sometime soon perhaps for these Halo games im hearing much about.
The only thing that is really holding me together is LOTNA, Ive got many good friends their but for the first time I think since Ive joined I have thought about leaving for a little while but then thought no that would make me feel much much worse. Ive met some great friends but its true im not enjoying it as much as I use to though. I always put on a brave face while their...again i can be a different person when I need be (a clone as I said in a previous facebook post). I honestly dont know why im not enjoying it as much as I did? I wished i lived in London though as missing a lot not living there but their is no way Im going to move at the moment especially in the current working climate.
Work at the moment is crap which dosent help, cant give the reasons but hopefully this will be solved by the end of the week and then I will be getting very busy again....work will then keep my mind off things.
Relationships is always a major factor of my life at the moment and I think i now know the reason why I seem to fail so much nowadays, I tick all the right boxes (not bad looking, no ties, steady income and good set of teeth). When a lady shows an interest (it does happen a few times) then I get very keen.......too keen. I need to be more laidback I think. Problem is as it dosent happen often no wonder I get keen. Another tough challenge.
Tried to get myself organised and do other things so went to see Terminator: Salvation a few days ago and did like it.....it was miles better then the third film but not as good as the other two. Bit too much bang wallop for my liking and the storyline wasnt too strong but their was some nice touches making references from the previous films (Linda Hamilton coming back for instance...but wont say how though). As a Terminator fan I did enjoy it though and thought Christian Bale did John Connor pretty well....not outstanding.
Last night went to see 'Elivs on Stage' starring Lee 'Memphis' King with Mum as a late birthday pressie...she enjoyed it and I thought it was pretty good but not really my thing. Shame my seat was crap. Sadly the New Theatre is an old style theatre so dosent cater for anyone over 6ft so I felt very cramped. Had to watch the show on my side at one stage. Hoping to see Bill Bailey sometime in August so will try and get much better seats with some legroom.
Will try and think of other things to do......I may even be going to Amsterdam in a few months time which will be interesting.
Please comment back if you wish too, be nice to hear from anyone.